the weirdest thing has been happening to me lately.
let me start with a bit of context...
i have always been a rather excessive fan of smooches. indeed, this passion has made me responsible for international kissing games, late-night rooftop spin the bottle sessions, and oh so many countless kisses. one of the fellas i dated last year was first kissed by me mid-sentence, shortly after we met. "sorry," i bashfully exclaimed, "couldn't help myself..."
hell, there was a time when i used to make it a point to share at least one deep-down, full-on smooch with all my closest. for example, when ken first decided he would be my flatmate, we were in a bar and i reached across the table to pull him into a sweltering smooch. it was just... something i did. maybe i figured 'hell, we're gonna be roommates, now this is out of the way.' or something like that. even my queer (guy) friends didn't escape my lascivious lips.
well lately, the sight of people smooching or even the thought of it kinda... well... repulses me. and it's not just my cynicism! i've certainly found myself floundering in the anti-love-vibe before, but i have never, ever been even remotely anti-smooch. but watching movies or on the subway, or wherever i see lips joined in a passionate embrace, i kinda hear my brain going "ew."
i've had a somewhat similar transition from adoration to disgust before, with cigarette smoking. just randomly one morning (or in some cases, gradually over a week or two), the thought of smoking will just turn my stomach, and so i'll give it up until months or years later, when it appeals to me again. well, could this be happening with the smooch? could a fate of being a non-smoocher await me??
the horror! the horror!
on a hopeful note, as i was twirled around my apartment last night by an imaginary partner to acker bilk's 'stranger on the shore,' i was swept away by thoughts of gentle kisses on my temple, as fingertips brushed my hair away. so perhaps all is not lost...
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Monday, February 14, 2005
thank heaven for little girls
heh, what a great weekend.
one teensy wee snippet from the jam-packed-with-flavourful-goodness-weekend:
we're sitting in angela's living room, sipping wine and talking about deep, important things like neil young and hair. you know, deliciously insignificant and highly entertaining post-bar/5 am talk. (my favourite kind.)
angela asks kelly: "are you cold? cuz you're not wearing much." the rest of us explode in laughter as angela explains, "no no no, it's just that i know i keep the apartment cold..."
yea, we get it.
but we've also been admiring that short skirt of kelly's all night...
earlier that night, kelly had come to me to seek solace from the naughty, grinning bartenders. "they keep trying to get me to bend over!" she playfully pouted. hm, i replied with seeming sympathy as my fingers reached for a nearby flyer and swept it to the floor, laughing sardonically. the bartenders were watching intently, laughing in that deeply familiar way bar colleagues have with each other. a snug, smiling incestuous family.
lately, i really miss working in bars...
one teensy wee snippet from the jam-packed-with-flavourful-goodness-weekend:
we're sitting in angela's living room, sipping wine and talking about deep, important things like neil young and hair. you know, deliciously insignificant and highly entertaining post-bar/5 am talk. (my favourite kind.)
angela asks kelly: "are you cold? cuz you're not wearing much." the rest of us explode in laughter as angela explains, "no no no, it's just that i know i keep the apartment cold..."
yea, we get it.
but we've also been admiring that short skirt of kelly's all night...
earlier that night, kelly had come to me to seek solace from the naughty, grinning bartenders. "they keep trying to get me to bend over!" she playfully pouted. hm, i replied with seeming sympathy as my fingers reached for a nearby flyer and swept it to the floor, laughing sardonically. the bartenders were watching intently, laughing in that deeply familiar way bar colleagues have with each other. a snug, smiling incestuous family.
lately, i really miss working in bars...
Friday, February 11, 2005
strolling through the subway cars
(bear with me, i'm re-exploring poetry land - though i'll be the first to admit my greater strength lies in prose. but hey, it's good to experiment, right?)
strolling through the subway cars,
one car
second car
each boasting its own slumbering musician,
cradling their cases and exhaustion
as i tenderly smile at them.
i imagine them,
harbingers of melody
inflicting their smoky revelations
and deep down jazz
on french girls who swallow the end of the world.
la fin du monde -
at least until 8 am
when sleepless and stumbling
they are loaded onto trains
that wheel them back to anglo land,
where they can sleep,
sleep at last.
and then it's my stop,
so i step off and a quiet army of blank faces
races past me into the tunnel.
whoosh.
look at all the people i don't know.
strolling through the subway cars,
one car
second car
each boasting its own slumbering musician,
cradling their cases and exhaustion
as i tenderly smile at them.
i imagine them,
harbingers of melody
inflicting their smoky revelations
and deep down jazz
on french girls who swallow the end of the world.
la fin du monde -
at least until 8 am
when sleepless and stumbling
they are loaded onto trains
that wheel them back to anglo land,
where they can sleep,
sleep at last.
and then it's my stop,
so i step off and a quiet army of blank faces
races past me into the tunnel.
whoosh.
look at all the people i don't know.
Monday, February 07, 2005
shut up, kaen
too much
too hard
too loud too often
too much
too misled
too wrong too often
shh
shh
breathe
and shut up
and listen.
___
my brain's been racing,
indie 500 in my skull.
talking so much shit,
doing so much shit,
thinking so much shit:
what to do
how have i done it
how am i doing it
how should i be doing it
over and over and over
and over again
oi.
no wonder i'm popping
aspernol like a fiend.
shh brain, shh
take a breath,
shh brain
take a breath
and it can all go away
to become the universe,
clean
real
and quiet.
too hard
too loud too often
too much
too misled
too wrong too often
shh
shh
breathe
and shut up
and listen.
___
my brain's been racing,
indie 500 in my skull.
talking so much shit,
doing so much shit,
thinking so much shit:
what to do
how have i done it
how am i doing it
how should i be doing it
over and over and over
and over again
oi.
no wonder i'm popping
aspernol like a fiend.
shh brain, shh
take a breath,
shh brain
take a breath
and it can all go away
to become the universe,
clean
real
and quiet.
Friday, February 04, 2005
a word on words
when did language get so complicated? did a word ever just mean a word? was it always layered in subtext, context? was it always peppered with riddle?
maybe what happened is several hundred or thousand years ago, we really peaked and understood our words so well that we had to add all the neurosis and innuendo just to keep it stimulating.
perhaps we are on the evolutionary cusp of speaking telepathically. and so as a transition, we do so much thinking about words and infuse so many conscious and subconscious layers into them, just so our brains and all our psychic intuitive bits are already engaged. warming up.
perhaps.
but i'm actually pretty sure it was always complicated, this interaction business.
maybe what happened is several hundred or thousand years ago, we really peaked and understood our words so well that we had to add all the neurosis and innuendo just to keep it stimulating.
perhaps we are on the evolutionary cusp of speaking telepathically. and so as a transition, we do so much thinking about words and infuse so many conscious and subconscious layers into them, just so our brains and all our psychic intuitive bits are already engaged. warming up.
perhaps.
but i'm actually pretty sure it was always complicated, this interaction business.
Monday, January 31, 2005
from the weekend's scrawls
so i invited a friend to the poetry reading i was attending tonight, though i know that most people would rather slit their wrists than listen to poets talking about wanting to slit their wrists. you can't blame 'em, really...
***
last night was fun - shinny with Alana, Jason and most of the Tabarruk crew and others. i was even an ok defence chick, once i stopped being scared of the big bundled bodies hurtling toward me. or the puck. or the ice. heh. by next year, i hope to learn how to stop on skates (now that i have the forward propulsion part of skating down). then we'll win, you wait and see.
***
she's telling me how she doesn't like her husband's "Prokofiev version of Exodus" (yea, the bob marley song), and i have to smirk appreciatively: i love how sophisticated my also very fun friends are!
***
so i watched superman this morning (recent gift from a friend who's turned her back on VHS - oh how pathetic are we, the few remaining VHS-watching losers). already by this evening i'm a tinge obsessed: shit that christopher reeve was a handsome fella. i joke with alana that i've worn the heavy eye make-up as a subconscious way of mimicking lois lane and finding my own superman. some laughter and slinging clevers and then i say i've decided i'm going to leap off a building so that as i fall, fall, superman can come and catch me and fall in love with me. but then i realize i've limited myself, and i could never off myself that way - because she'd remember laughing at this conversation, and somehow it would haunt her.
***
skating on sunday in nathan phillips square - a gorgeous way to round off my "Tabarruk weekend!" see, there's a stage set up at one end of the rink, and bands (like Tabarruk) played the weekend away. yea, neat idea hunh. like a roller skating rink (remember those!?), only cooler (pardon the unavoidable pun).
***
last night was fun - shinny with Alana, Jason and most of the Tabarruk crew and others. i was even an ok defence chick, once i stopped being scared of the big bundled bodies hurtling toward me. or the puck. or the ice. heh. by next year, i hope to learn how to stop on skates (now that i have the forward propulsion part of skating down). then we'll win, you wait and see.
***
she's telling me how she doesn't like her husband's "Prokofiev version of Exodus" (yea, the bob marley song), and i have to smirk appreciatively: i love how sophisticated my also very fun friends are!
***
so i watched superman this morning (recent gift from a friend who's turned her back on VHS - oh how pathetic are we, the few remaining VHS-watching losers). already by this evening i'm a tinge obsessed: shit that christopher reeve was a handsome fella. i joke with alana that i've worn the heavy eye make-up as a subconscious way of mimicking lois lane and finding my own superman. some laughter and slinging clevers and then i say i've decided i'm going to leap off a building so that as i fall, fall, superman can come and catch me and fall in love with me. but then i realize i've limited myself, and i could never off myself that way - because she'd remember laughing at this conversation, and somehow it would haunt her.
***
skating on sunday in nathan phillips square - a gorgeous way to round off my "Tabarruk weekend!" see, there's a stage set up at one end of the rink, and bands (like Tabarruk) played the weekend away. yea, neat idea hunh. like a roller skating rink (remember those!?), only cooler (pardon the unavoidable pun).
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
oh the conundrum!
i have memories of my mom urging me, even in my earliest adolescence, to don moisturizer and battle those pesky signs of aging. i remember my haughty disdain for the animal-tested ridiculousness of it all. "i hope," i remember saying, "that by the time i start to wrinkle, i'll have long gone beyond all that superficial bullshit."
and oh - i still believe this. whole-heartedly. and for the most part, i really don't give a fuck.
but...
the other night i looked down at my dry hands and realized they are most definitely in their earliest proto-phases of becoming my grandfather's hands. i don't remember very much about my grandfather, but i remember we didn't really get along. and i remember this one discussion we had when i was about 12. we were talking about vigilantes, and he began to rant. he was in general a very pompous man, and this was never more obvious then when he rode his moral high horse. i spoke of social inequity, and how the police did not, in fact, serve all equally. (how did i know that already?) and though i didn't have the words to identify it, i rebelled against his right-wing blindness. he spoke upper-middle faith, and i just spoke out.
and, well... i do not want this man's hands.
oh the conundrum!
and oh - i still believe this. whole-heartedly. and for the most part, i really don't give a fuck.
but...
the other night i looked down at my dry hands and realized they are most definitely in their earliest proto-phases of becoming my grandfather's hands. i don't remember very much about my grandfather, but i remember we didn't really get along. and i remember this one discussion we had when i was about 12. we were talking about vigilantes, and he began to rant. he was in general a very pompous man, and this was never more obvious then when he rode his moral high horse. i spoke of social inequity, and how the police did not, in fact, serve all equally. (how did i know that already?) and though i didn't have the words to identify it, i rebelled against his right-wing blindness. he spoke upper-middle faith, and i just spoke out.
and, well... i do not want this man's hands.
oh the conundrum!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
the nature of nature
in a discussion, someone gushed "nature is beautiful!" ignoring the desire to critique the girlish naiveté and cliché-ness of it all, my mind was instead instantly flooded with inumerable images of carnage. nature isn't beautiful, it's honest. it's brutal.
and the slideshow of horror played itself out in my brain; yet i contemplated the millions of images and examples i'd been spared.
and the slideshow of horror played itself out in my brain; yet i contemplated the millions of images and examples i'd been spared.
Monday, January 24, 2005
the best sleep
so i had one of those nights. you know those nights where you occasionally catch yourself being mostly conscious, and wonder if you'd actually slept at all, or been lying there in a half-fog for hours? yea, one of those. although i know i did sleep, because the dreams were vivid. i'd watched last night er.. last night, which if you don't know is a brilliant movie. especially given when it came out, it was like the canadian response to armageddon. see, in last night, there's no bruce willis or big ol' holly jolly american government to save the world. there's just the end of the world (left undefined and vague for those late night, wine-soaked musings), and how people are coping with it. a little off-beat, and featuring my all-time favourite canadian actor. (if you have to be told it's callum keith rennie, you really haven't been paying attention, have you!? heh.)
my dreams... wow. a lot of tears and discussed fears. and sun. and a giant kite that i trailed behind me as i rode my bike with my nephew jake - until it threatened to get tangled in the electrical wires, and i just let it fly off. and oh the wonderdawg came for a brief visit too, and i rubbed his belly and chin and held him so tight. he was dirty, as though he'd been playing in the dirt on dog hill in high park... and my family - they were all there too. we spent a fair bit of time driving around for some reason. and at this one point, i was in the car with my mom waiting for my sister, and i was in the back seat but curled around into the front seat in a most peculiar angle. and perhaps i looked like i was curled up and napping cuz a fella ran by, tapped the window and cried out "don't sleep now, it's the last day of the world!"
maybe my family would feel special to know that in my dreams anyway, i'd spend the last day on earth with them? though given that one lives in montreal, one in toronto, and the rest on vancouver island, and we don't get along so fabulously well - maybe that one's best saved for the dreams.
and then a little over an hour before my alarm was going to nudge me into my daily grind, i found myself 100% alert. breathe, i told myself. breathe and try your little "99 bottles of beer on the wall" trick and if you do it just right and fall asleep in the next 5 minutes, you'll get a full rem cycle in.
no dice.
no dice until probably 20 minutes before my alarm went off. meaning the deepest, cosiest, best sleep i enjoyed all night was in the 20 minutes before the alarm went off, and in the several 10-minutes-of-SNOOZE i treated myself to afterwards.
bleurgh.
my dreams... wow. a lot of tears and discussed fears. and sun. and a giant kite that i trailed behind me as i rode my bike with my nephew jake - until it threatened to get tangled in the electrical wires, and i just let it fly off. and oh the wonderdawg came for a brief visit too, and i rubbed his belly and chin and held him so tight. he was dirty, as though he'd been playing in the dirt on dog hill in high park... and my family - they were all there too. we spent a fair bit of time driving around for some reason. and at this one point, i was in the car with my mom waiting for my sister, and i was in the back seat but curled around into the front seat in a most peculiar angle. and perhaps i looked like i was curled up and napping cuz a fella ran by, tapped the window and cried out "don't sleep now, it's the last day of the world!"
maybe my family would feel special to know that in my dreams anyway, i'd spend the last day on earth with them? though given that one lives in montreal, one in toronto, and the rest on vancouver island, and we don't get along so fabulously well - maybe that one's best saved for the dreams.
and then a little over an hour before my alarm was going to nudge me into my daily grind, i found myself 100% alert. breathe, i told myself. breathe and try your little "99 bottles of beer on the wall" trick and if you do it just right and fall asleep in the next 5 minutes, you'll get a full rem cycle in.
no dice.
no dice until probably 20 minutes before my alarm went off. meaning the deepest, cosiest, best sleep i enjoyed all night was in the 20 minutes before the alarm went off, and in the several 10-minutes-of-SNOOZE i treated myself to afterwards.
bleurgh.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
well, they asked...
well, i've gotten 2 of these in the recent last bit, so i guess they're all the rage again. oh goody. so before you send me yours, desperate to know all about me, here it all is for your dining pleasure. (oh, and incase you're wondering why the numbers are wonky, i deleted the n/a (who's most likely to respond...) and fused the two.)
1. First name: kaen
2. Were you named after anyone?: my great-grandmother kathleen (who incidentally was not irish, but first nations)
3. Do you wish on stars?: all the time
4. When did you last cry?: about 20 minutes ago
5. Do you like your handwriting:? yes - especially when i'm drunk, when it's at its most honest and confused (like me)
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? (shrug)
7. What is your birth date:? may 6 (zip it you...)
8. What is your most embarrassing CD: this would be so much more embarrassing if it was about my tapes! cd? hm... i guess the grease soundtrack.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you: yep
10. Are you a daredevil: not with bikes or what have you, just with my heart
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell:? not that i can remember, and it doesn't seem like something i'd do
12. Do looks matter:? you should see some of the guys i've dated or crushed on!! an ex was actually doubting his good looks, upon seeing pics of some of the people i've dated - silly monkey
13. How do you release anger:? i start by raging in my head (which sometimes gets transferred to paper or screen), then i cry, then i hide
14. Where is your second home: where's my first home?
15. Do you trust others too easily?: yep
16. What was your favourite toy as a child:? wow, i can't remember. i know i had fashion plates and loved them. i have a picture of me lovingly cradling a chewbacca doll, and i continue to have a special fondness for wookies. but you know, it was probably my pillow. my pillow was my favouritest of all inanimate things and it diverted me much as a "toy" would...
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless: interesting question... i guess i could answer with the one i've not really used, math, but i think even a basic introduction to the one language all humans can speak is very very valuable, even if we're too stupid to appreciate math for all its power and beauty
18. Do you have a journal:? sort of
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot ? no, *never*
20. Favourite movie(s)? you're out of your tree if you think i can answer this question - just look at the mess i made of it in my profile...
21. What are your (acceptable) nicknames: never really had any, but a friend called me "shug" for a while - cleverly playing up the "sugar cane" thing as well as "meshugenah" which means crazy. i loved it...
22. Would you bungee jump:? if you gave me a good back (and the cash to pay for it), i'd definitely try it
23. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off: i wear garrison boots - it'd be impossible not to. when i do occasionally wear sneakers, i don't untie them when i take them off, which irritates me, cuz i like them snug, meaning i always have to untie them before putting them back on. surely one of many reasons why i don't wear them much.
24. Do you think that you are strong:? as in body? yea, pretty much. as in soul? only sometimes.
25. What is your favourite ice cream flavour: don't really like ice cream, but when i do it's classic vanilla (i know, whoda thunk it)
26. Shoe size:? 7-8ish, and why the fuck would you care? gawd some of these questions...
27. What are your favourite colours:? thought it was blue once when i spent time contemplating such things, and maybe it was, but i tend to see a lot of red in my wardrobe. and hair. and accessories. that and black of course, though yea yea, it's not a colour.
28. What is your least favourite thing about yourself: my teeny weeny self-esteem
32. What are you listening to right now: my fingers tapping away, my colleagues working over their lunch breaks, the ventilation system pumping us with recycled life bits
33. Last thing you ate:? free lunch, yea baby. sammiches and salad, simple but effective.
34. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?: christ, you sound like my fucking therapist (just kidding - i can't actually afford a therapist, though lately i suspect i could make very good use of one)
35. What is the weather like right now:? snowing and blistering - ahh winter.
36. Last person you talked to on the phone:? it's scary that i can't remember this...
37. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex:? opposite sex? heterocentric much?? boys or girls, men or women, i'm a sucker for lips.
38. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yep - otherwise i woulda deleted it!
40. Favourite Drink: booze - these days, in the form of lager
41. Favourite sport: i remember once liking tennis, and i was a puck bunny back in the day, but have not specifically or dedicatedly watched any given sport in a very long time. oh, but i *do* love british football announcers, they crack me up.
42. Hair Colour:? at the tips: faded black with red streaks, at the (now very long) roots, dark brown with a fabulous family of greys near the crown that i love very much. which is why i still haven't re-dyed my hair.
43. Eye Color?: dark brown
44. Do you wear contacts:? nope
45. Favourite Food?: greasy and bad for me - probably french fries
46. Last Movie:? donnie darko
47. Favourite Day of the Year: don't have one. birthday i guess, both solstices tend to be fun, stat holidays are often very enjoyable, new year's eve was fan-fucking-tastic. fuck i dunno...
48. Scary Movies or Happy Endings:? they're both bullshit
49. Summer or winter:? winter, but fall's my favourite
50. Hugs or kisses:? i'm a sucker for smooching. a great line from trout stanley: "i believe in kissing for days." mmmm, smooching.
51. What is Your Favourite Dessert: ? creme brulee
54. Where Would You Want to Go on your Next Vacation: brazil for carnival (you know, in case i trip on a large bag of loot in the next few days...)
55. What Books are you Reading?: bones, by elaine dewar - about the peopling of the americas
56. What's on your mouse pad: tiger print (it was fuzzy 5 years ago when i bought it - a little ragged now though)
57. What did you Watch Last Night on TV: don't have a tv, wasn't home
58. Favourite Smells:? wow, interesting question... the ocean i guess. oh no no no - duh! pot. definitely pot.
59. Rolling Stones or Beatles? the beatles, when they got all trippy
60. Do you believe in Evolution or Creationism:? evolution
61. What's the furthest you've been away from home?: athens - when i was in vancouver, but i guess now that i'm in toronto, it would be tokyo? oh the semantics...
4. Mother's name? Nicole (Nikki)
5. Number of candles on your last birthday cake? i don't think there were any - were there? oh no wait, i think there was one. well, i was with friends in vancouver and celebrated my birthday early, which is number 31.
6. Date that you regularly blow them out? heh, you said blow
7. Pets? only in memory, with a solemn and loving nod to the Wonderdawg...
9 (a) Tattoos? yup (4, 5 if you count the one that's been redesigned and covered up)
(b) Body piercing? yup (9 - 12 was the most i ever sported at once)
10. How much do you love your job - scale of 1 to 10? these days? minus 3.
11. Birthplace? montreal
12. Favourite vacation spot? not glamorous (or wealthy) enough to have "a favourite"
13. Ever been to Africa? nope, but i'd like to...
14. Stolen any traffic signs? what a random question! and i actually have to say yes! remember, miranda? shit that was funny...
16. Croutons or Bacon bits? are you sick of the retarded questions yet?
17. 2 Door or 4 Door car? bicycle or the "32-window limo" baybee
18. Red Wine or White Wine: red
19. Favourite Pie: beaver
20. Favourite Number? dunno really... 22 i guess, mostly cuz someone once said it was important in numerology, and it keeps popping up lately...
23. Favourite Holiday? solstice
25. Favourite day of the week? lately, it's been "shop thursdays" but i guess saturdays, cuz i can sleep in *and* stay up late with no repercussions
26. Favourite brand of clothing? brand? hahahahahahahahahahaha
28. Favourite Music artist? oof, as with the movie question, just look at the sad job i did of that in my profile...
29. Most recently read book? love is a dog from hell, charles bukowski
30. Perfume/Cologne? when i have it, i wear it. chanel #5 - a classic for good reason
32. What do you do to relax? see #58 (above)
34. When was your last hospital visit? may 20, 2004
35. How do you see yourself in 10 years? a vital and exciting playwright who entertains and challenges the ideologies of international audiences.
36. What do you do when you are bored? bored? what's that!?
37. What presents do you enjoy receiving? i can't think of any that i haven't loved getting.
1. First name: kaen
2. Were you named after anyone?: my great-grandmother kathleen (who incidentally was not irish, but first nations)
3. Do you wish on stars?: all the time
4. When did you last cry?: about 20 minutes ago
5. Do you like your handwriting:? yes - especially when i'm drunk, when it's at its most honest and confused (like me)
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? (shrug)
7. What is your birth date:? may 6 (zip it you...)
8. What is your most embarrassing CD: this would be so much more embarrassing if it was about my tapes! cd? hm... i guess the grease soundtrack.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you: yep
10. Are you a daredevil: not with bikes or what have you, just with my heart
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell:? not that i can remember, and it doesn't seem like something i'd do
12. Do looks matter:? you should see some of the guys i've dated or crushed on!! an ex was actually doubting his good looks, upon seeing pics of some of the people i've dated - silly monkey
13. How do you release anger:? i start by raging in my head (which sometimes gets transferred to paper or screen), then i cry, then i hide
14. Where is your second home: where's my first home?
15. Do you trust others too easily?: yep
16. What was your favourite toy as a child:? wow, i can't remember. i know i had fashion plates and loved them. i have a picture of me lovingly cradling a chewbacca doll, and i continue to have a special fondness for wookies. but you know, it was probably my pillow. my pillow was my favouritest of all inanimate things and it diverted me much as a "toy" would...
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless: interesting question... i guess i could answer with the one i've not really used, math, but i think even a basic introduction to the one language all humans can speak is very very valuable, even if we're too stupid to appreciate math for all its power and beauty
18. Do you have a journal:? sort of
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot ? no, *never*
20. Favourite movie(s)? you're out of your tree if you think i can answer this question - just look at the mess i made of it in my profile...
21. What are your (acceptable) nicknames: never really had any, but a friend called me "shug" for a while - cleverly playing up the "sugar cane" thing as well as "meshugenah" which means crazy. i loved it...
22. Would you bungee jump:? if you gave me a good back (and the cash to pay for it), i'd definitely try it
23. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off: i wear garrison boots - it'd be impossible not to. when i do occasionally wear sneakers, i don't untie them when i take them off, which irritates me, cuz i like them snug, meaning i always have to untie them before putting them back on. surely one of many reasons why i don't wear them much.
24. Do you think that you are strong:? as in body? yea, pretty much. as in soul? only sometimes.
25. What is your favourite ice cream flavour: don't really like ice cream, but when i do it's classic vanilla (i know, whoda thunk it)
26. Shoe size:? 7-8ish, and why the fuck would you care? gawd some of these questions...
27. What are your favourite colours:? thought it was blue once when i spent time contemplating such things, and maybe it was, but i tend to see a lot of red in my wardrobe. and hair. and accessories. that and black of course, though yea yea, it's not a colour.
28. What is your least favourite thing about yourself: my teeny weeny self-esteem
32. What are you listening to right now: my fingers tapping away, my colleagues working over their lunch breaks, the ventilation system pumping us with recycled life bits
33. Last thing you ate:? free lunch, yea baby. sammiches and salad, simple but effective.
34. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?: christ, you sound like my fucking therapist (just kidding - i can't actually afford a therapist, though lately i suspect i could make very good use of one)
35. What is the weather like right now:? snowing and blistering - ahh winter.
36. Last person you talked to on the phone:? it's scary that i can't remember this...
37. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex:? opposite sex? heterocentric much?? boys or girls, men or women, i'm a sucker for lips.
38. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yep - otherwise i woulda deleted it!
40. Favourite Drink: booze - these days, in the form of lager
41. Favourite sport: i remember once liking tennis, and i was a puck bunny back in the day, but have not specifically or dedicatedly watched any given sport in a very long time. oh, but i *do* love british football announcers, they crack me up.
42. Hair Colour:? at the tips: faded black with red streaks, at the (now very long) roots, dark brown with a fabulous family of greys near the crown that i love very much. which is why i still haven't re-dyed my hair.
43. Eye Color?: dark brown
44. Do you wear contacts:? nope
45. Favourite Food?: greasy and bad for me - probably french fries
46. Last Movie:? donnie darko
47. Favourite Day of the Year: don't have one. birthday i guess, both solstices tend to be fun, stat holidays are often very enjoyable, new year's eve was fan-fucking-tastic. fuck i dunno...
48. Scary Movies or Happy Endings:? they're both bullshit
49. Summer or winter:? winter, but fall's my favourite
50. Hugs or kisses:? i'm a sucker for smooching. a great line from trout stanley: "i believe in kissing for days." mmmm, smooching.
51. What is Your Favourite Dessert: ? creme brulee
54. Where Would You Want to Go on your Next Vacation: brazil for carnival (you know, in case i trip on a large bag of loot in the next few days...)
55. What Books are you Reading?: bones, by elaine dewar - about the peopling of the americas
56. What's on your mouse pad: tiger print (it was fuzzy 5 years ago when i bought it - a little ragged now though)
57. What did you Watch Last Night on TV: don't have a tv, wasn't home
58. Favourite Smells:? wow, interesting question... the ocean i guess. oh no no no - duh! pot. definitely pot.
59. Rolling Stones or Beatles? the beatles, when they got all trippy
60. Do you believe in Evolution or Creationism:? evolution
61. What's the furthest you've been away from home?: athens - when i was in vancouver, but i guess now that i'm in toronto, it would be tokyo? oh the semantics...
4. Mother's name? Nicole (Nikki)
5. Number of candles on your last birthday cake? i don't think there were any - were there? oh no wait, i think there was one. well, i was with friends in vancouver and celebrated my birthday early, which is number 31.
6. Date that you regularly blow them out? heh, you said blow
7. Pets? only in memory, with a solemn and loving nod to the Wonderdawg...
9 (a) Tattoos? yup (4, 5 if you count the one that's been redesigned and covered up)
(b) Body piercing? yup (9 - 12 was the most i ever sported at once)
10. How much do you love your job - scale of 1 to 10? these days? minus 3.
11. Birthplace? montreal
12. Favourite vacation spot? not glamorous (or wealthy) enough to have "a favourite"
13. Ever been to Africa? nope, but i'd like to...
14. Stolen any traffic signs? what a random question! and i actually have to say yes! remember, miranda? shit that was funny...
16. Croutons or Bacon bits? are you sick of the retarded questions yet?
17. 2 Door or 4 Door car? bicycle or the "32-window limo" baybee
18. Red Wine or White Wine: red
19. Favourite Pie: beaver
20. Favourite Number? dunno really... 22 i guess, mostly cuz someone once said it was important in numerology, and it keeps popping up lately...
23. Favourite Holiday? solstice
25. Favourite day of the week? lately, it's been "shop thursdays" but i guess saturdays, cuz i can sleep in *and* stay up late with no repercussions
26. Favourite brand of clothing? brand? hahahahahahahahahahaha
28. Favourite Music artist? oof, as with the movie question, just look at the sad job i did of that in my profile...
29. Most recently read book? love is a dog from hell, charles bukowski
30. Perfume/Cologne? when i have it, i wear it. chanel #5 - a classic for good reason
32. What do you do to relax? see #58 (above)
34. When was your last hospital visit? may 20, 2004
35. How do you see yourself in 10 years? a vital and exciting playwright who entertains and challenges the ideologies of international audiences.
36. What do you do when you are bored? bored? what's that!?
37. What presents do you enjoy receiving? i can't think of any that i haven't loved getting.
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